So when I was little, as a "fullback" I was told to "clear the ball." So all I had to do to get cheers from the crowd and accolades from my coach was to kick the ball away from opposing players, and kick it really hard. And every team played with a keeper, 4 fullbacks (which included a stopper and a sweeper), 3 halfbacks and 3 forwards. Soccer was simple, especially for fullbacks. Many a time I was told not to play with the ball, just kick it...As I was watching the FIFA Womens World Cup, I watched the defensive backs not clearing the ball, but stepping into the ball and maneuvering around offensive players and making close passes. Wow, have times changed.
Wow, lots have things have changed with time. The other day, my 11 year old daughter asked if she could go less than a mile away to a clothing store with 3 other teenage friends. My initial reaction was "No and again, NO!" but then I thought about when I was 11. I went to the movies with friends all the time. Down to 7-11 for slushees all the time. Went for long walks and bike rides. I went EVERYWHERE without an adult, and NO CELL PHONE. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, it's that I didn't trust everyone else. But, I breathed, and found myself saying, "Yes. BUT...." and the list of rules started. What is it that has changed?
The game of soccer hasn't changed, but the players have. Marta, a striker for Brazil's women's team, is one player that can dribble and outrun five players, fake the keeper out, and score. Midfielders now are specialized as either defensive or offensive. Backs now don't just clear the ball, they start the play with organized passing. The objective is to win the game. That hasn't changed. Life hasn't changed, but the players have.
One person can take out 80 teenagers learning about global politics. Politicians are governed by keeping their seat, rather than doing the best for ALL of their fellow citizens. Respect for life and others has greatly diminished. My daughter is very responsible, always checks in when not at home, follows the rules when NOT at home (not necessarily when she IS home). I didn't have a problem trusting my daughter to make good choices. I had a problem trusting the dozens of people she would encounter along the way. The drivers talking on their cell phones not paying attention to girls crossing the street, boys that have been taught that it's okay to make comments to young girls without respect, people who have no respect for life at all. My objective in life is the same...live life as the gift it is and live it with passion, peace, and joy.
Do I restrict my children's freedom due to the stupid decisions of others? Is there a line I am not willing to cross? I would never give up my child to someone that I know will harm her. But how do I know who that "someone" is? I want to teach my children to take care of themselves because you never know what skills or tactics the opposing players use. All I can do is prepare them. So...yes, my daughter went. And then 3 hours later after being unable to contact her and without her checking in, my husband went and picked her up at the store and was grounded from friends for the rest of the day. Funny how she was safe from others, just not from herself that day :)
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY: Upon seeing a cashier at a store with pink hair, my daughter asked me why her hair was pink. I responded, "I'm not sure, but I'm sure she'll let you know if you ask her." So she did. And the young woman responded, "Because pink is my favorite color." After which, my daughter quickly let her know it looked fantastic. That was it, no judgment, no right or wrong. A girl's hair was pink because it was her favorite color. I loved that experience.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath." -- Terry Butcher
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
MOVE!!
So not everyone is a fan of soccer. Crazy, I know. But I can pretend that I understand where they are coming from. There is only 1 ball on a huge field and the players are spread out over the length of the field. The poor goalies are all alone and maybe get 20 touches on the ball if they're unlucky. To people who are used to watching 10 players constantly running up and down a basketball court, constantly shoving and jockeying for position, MAYBE soccer MIGHT be considered SOMEWHAT boring. But don't you dare say that baseball or golf or even curling is more exciting than soccer.
The thing about soccer is that the game can change in a matter of seconds. It doesn't take that long to score. But when the games lasts 90 minutes, players get fatigued, defense gets smarter, fingernail biting increases. As a player, I notice that as the game goes on I seem to get tired a lot quicker after a run of the field. I notice that other players are not running as much either. The worse thing to here towards the end of the game is someone yelling at you to "MOVE!" But move, you must, IF you want to win. A stagnant player does no good on the soccer field. As a coach, I would always say "There is no walking in soccer." If the ball is near you, you are completely engaged in the play. Even if the ball is not near you, you are completely engaged in the play. The only way to shake a defender is to move to an open space. Completely be aware of the ball, the players, and where you are on the field.
And so is life. No matter if something big is happening, but it isn't around you, you have to move. Stay engaged, know where you are and where your teammates are. And then be a player ready to receive the ball at any time. Standing around and waiting doesn't get you the win. Always be looking, be moving, be conscious of what is going on around you. Life is only boring if you aren't moving.
As a mom of four kids, I stayed at home, cooking, cleaning, waiting...my husband was doing the important things, I got my kids ready for their important events. . Nothing "important" ever happened to me. Or so I thought. I was missing the ball every day because I wasn't ready. I wasn't looking. And I certainly wasn't moving. As soon as I put myself in play, even though I was at home, I became important. And important events happened everyday and I was part of them. I know the law of attraction. And I know the game that people play when "using" the law of attraction in their lives. They wait. Instead of being the person who is ready, looking, and conscious of where they are. The law of attraction is being that person who attracts what they want. Not the person who just waits for it to happen to them.
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY : My daughter was selling popsicles outside and was so mad that noone had come that she came inside to complain to me how she can't sell popsicles without people. Two of my other daughters heard her complaining, asked if she was going to sell anymore, and then quickly ran outside when she told them, "no, so you can go sell for all I care." So they did, and within 15 minutes had sold 6 popsicles. They didn't wait, they yelled at everyone they saw outside to come and buy a popsicle. Fueled my oldest daughter's fire even more.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If you can't outplay the opposition, you must outnumber them." -- Terry Venables
The thing about soccer is that the game can change in a matter of seconds. It doesn't take that long to score. But when the games lasts 90 minutes, players get fatigued, defense gets smarter, fingernail biting increases. As a player, I notice that as the game goes on I seem to get tired a lot quicker after a run of the field. I notice that other players are not running as much either. The worse thing to here towards the end of the game is someone yelling at you to "MOVE!" But move, you must, IF you want to win. A stagnant player does no good on the soccer field. As a coach, I would always say "There is no walking in soccer." If the ball is near you, you are completely engaged in the play. Even if the ball is not near you, you are completely engaged in the play. The only way to shake a defender is to move to an open space. Completely be aware of the ball, the players, and where you are on the field.
And so is life. No matter if something big is happening, but it isn't around you, you have to move. Stay engaged, know where you are and where your teammates are. And then be a player ready to receive the ball at any time. Standing around and waiting doesn't get you the win. Always be looking, be moving, be conscious of what is going on around you. Life is only boring if you aren't moving.
As a mom of four kids, I stayed at home, cooking, cleaning, waiting...my husband was doing the important things, I got my kids ready for their important events. . Nothing "important" ever happened to me. Or so I thought. I was missing the ball every day because I wasn't ready. I wasn't looking. And I certainly wasn't moving. As soon as I put myself in play, even though I was at home, I became important. And important events happened everyday and I was part of them. I know the law of attraction. And I know the game that people play when "using" the law of attraction in their lives. They wait. Instead of being the person who is ready, looking, and conscious of where they are. The law of attraction is being that person who attracts what they want. Not the person who just waits for it to happen to them.
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY : My daughter was selling popsicles outside and was so mad that noone had come that she came inside to complain to me how she can't sell popsicles without people. Two of my other daughters heard her complaining, asked if she was going to sell anymore, and then quickly ran outside when she told them, "no, so you can go sell for all I care." So they did, and within 15 minutes had sold 6 popsicles. They didn't wait, they yelled at everyone they saw outside to come and buy a popsicle. Fueled my oldest daughter's fire even more.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If you can't outplay the opposition, you must outnumber them." -- Terry Venables
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My Bad
"My bad." Easy to say on the soccer field, because at times it can be very apparent when you screw up. My heart broke as I watched the US Women's Soccer Team concede a goal because two people thought they were doing the right thing which turned out to be an unfortunate thing which turned out to be a goal for the wrong team...yep, heartbroken. Japan didn't really score on poor Hope Solo, her own team did. But whose bad was it? Was it the fault of the first girl or tried to clear the ball across the goal, or the second girl who stopped it and tried to clear it out the other way, or was it the keeper who should have yelled them off the ball because she could have grabbed it???? Ugh, painful to relive that moment. Now, you would think that we lost the game by one goal--that goal. No, oh no. We had plenty of chances to score. So, wait. Was it Abby Wambach's fault because her golden head missed by a few inches? Or Lauren Cheney's fault because she hit the cross bar, missing the goal by a couple of inches? Or should we list the names of the three women who didn't hit their penalty kicks in the shoot out? Wait, or was it the goal kick that should have been called a corner...ugh...still painful.
Truth is, we lost. We didn't win. That's it. Definitely some things we can learn from that game...don't panic might be one. The other big thing? Don't look at any one moment as the cause of the loss. Don't look at any one player as the scapegoat. It's over. It's done. Game on in another four years. But how many times do we relive each moment of some "bad" situation and try to find someone or something to blame? Does this ever change the outcome of the event? No! It's in the past. What will serve is finding out how I responded during the whole play. Did I do my job? How am I going to change my next reaction in that scenario? What was the benefit that I gained from even having that experience? Yes, losing is losing. And if you didn't when, you lost. I know, that is pretty profound. It isn't the goal to lose. But you better be clear on what you want to get out of it before you even start playing. And then be clear that each moment is going to get you to that result. Even if it is when you lose the battle, but make sure you don't lose the fight.
Now, on the other side of the ball, Japan did just that. They didn't have a brilliant game. They made sure they finished the game. They didn't panic, they just kept playing. They had some lapses in defense in the first half, not in the second. They knew the team they were playing. They knew the keeper that stood in their way. I'm sure they studied her and her tendencies in shoot outs. They kept playing, in spite of being the under dogs and the team that wasn't supposed to be there. And all of this in a year that Japan itself had seen heartache, disaster, confusion, but the people didn't stop. They continue to finish the game. Not blaming, just learning.
It's easy to say "My bad" on the soccer field. Not so easy in relationships, even harder at your job, worse when you made a mistake in front of your kids. But man, saying those words can open the door to creating a win from a loss. Learning to not make that move again the next time.
Quote of the day: "Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it." -- Mia Hamm
Anecdote of the day: My fiesty and impatient daughter once said during half time upon playing the first game of the season, "It's so boring...everyone just stands in a circle kicking the ball and I have to wait for it to come out." When I asked why she was waiting for it, why not just run into the circle and kick it out and go score, she replied, "OK." Within two minutes of getting back into the game, the bunch ball started and instead of waiting, she ran in, kicked the ball out and dribbled it and scored. Quick learner.
Truth is, we lost. We didn't win. That's it. Definitely some things we can learn from that game...don't panic might be one. The other big thing? Don't look at any one moment as the cause of the loss. Don't look at any one player as the scapegoat. It's over. It's done. Game on in another four years. But how many times do we relive each moment of some "bad" situation and try to find someone or something to blame? Does this ever change the outcome of the event? No! It's in the past. What will serve is finding out how I responded during the whole play. Did I do my job? How am I going to change my next reaction in that scenario? What was the benefit that I gained from even having that experience? Yes, losing is losing. And if you didn't when, you lost. I know, that is pretty profound. It isn't the goal to lose. But you better be clear on what you want to get out of it before you even start playing. And then be clear that each moment is going to get you to that result. Even if it is when you lose the battle, but make sure you don't lose the fight.
Now, on the other side of the ball, Japan did just that. They didn't have a brilliant game. They made sure they finished the game. They didn't panic, they just kept playing. They had some lapses in defense in the first half, not in the second. They knew the team they were playing. They knew the keeper that stood in their way. I'm sure they studied her and her tendencies in shoot outs. They kept playing, in spite of being the under dogs and the team that wasn't supposed to be there. And all of this in a year that Japan itself had seen heartache, disaster, confusion, but the people didn't stop. They continue to finish the game. Not blaming, just learning.
It's easy to say "My bad" on the soccer field. Not so easy in relationships, even harder at your job, worse when you made a mistake in front of your kids. But man, saying those words can open the door to creating a win from a loss. Learning to not make that move again the next time.
Quote of the day: "Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it." -- Mia Hamm
Anecdote of the day: My fiesty and impatient daughter once said during half time upon playing the first game of the season, "It's so boring...everyone just stands in a circle kicking the ball and I have to wait for it to come out." When I asked why she was waiting for it, why not just run into the circle and kick it out and go score, she replied, "OK." Within two minutes of getting back into the game, the bunch ball started and instead of waiting, she ran in, kicked the ball out and dribbled it and scored. Quick learner.
Monday, July 18, 2011
I Got Your Back
Over the last few years, I have been on an adult coed indoor soccer team. I have been playing with and against pretty much the same people for the last 5 years. I have become friends with quite a few of the players I play against. Not knowing their backgrounds, maybe having played against some from my childhood, knowing that they are over 25, but not knowing much else. That's the beauty of being in ANY kind of community, you share some kind of foundation and you can enjoy the quick friendships to be found in your community without judgment or expectation. I have been watching two players in particular over the last few years. They are husband and wife, Tom and Paulynn. I am amazed at how much I learned about their relationship by merely watching how they play the game of soccer.
Now, I must say that I was slightly surprised by the abilities of these two players. At first glance, they weren't the type of people I was used to playing against. First of all, the woman is the goalie. Now, again trying not to sound too stereotypical, but I am used to keepers being crazy and quick to sacrifice their bodies to save a goal. I am not willing to do that, so my assumption is that not many other women would be willing to do that. This woman is more than willing, she LOVES playing keeper. I am not sure how many times my shots have found her face in the way of the goal. Her husband is a bit stockier, more like the shape of a linebacker, but man he is a freight train on the soccer field. I still have no idea how he can get to the ball so quickly. I quickly found out how fast he really was the first few games I played against this couple. After hitting his wife square on a few times, I quickly became his "personal project." If ever the ball came to me, so did he. I had to find a way around the freight train if ever I wanted the ball to get into the goal. It wouldn't be easy.
I noticed as I watched them play other teams that as soon as the other team started finding their way to the goal more often, Tom would immediately step in and be a wall in front of his wife. Now, I don't want you to think that Paulynn is some delicate little flower that needs protection, because she is not. This woman plays with the heart of a lion and the courage of a rhinoceros. All she knows is to do her job, and that's what she does. She relies on her team to do their job but they all know that she's got their back and will do her best to not let them down. So Tom and Paulynn are playing the game the exact same way. They have each other's back. What a fantastic way to be in a relationship. Trusting that the other person is going to have your back merely by doing what they always do--what they're good at. Tom steps up his play to protect his wife. Paulynn steps up her game to not let Tom down when the ball gets past him. Pure trust. Does the ball get by them? If I am lucky, quick and have my supporting teammates, yes. But not as often as it should.
The other thing I have noticed is they ask each other what they saw when they got scored on. They don't chastise each other about what the other person did or didn't do. Rather, they ask if there was anything else they could have done. I have also heard many times, "Yeah, that was my fault." I love playing with and against these kinds of players--both on the field and off. It reminds me that it is a game, a really fun game. Life is life, and it is a really fun life. And I get to do my part so others can do their parts. My husband and I have that kind of relationship, too. I hope it can get to the extent of Tom and Paulynn where I always have my husband's back by merely doing my best and I trust he's got mine.
Quote of the day: I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring. -- Nick Hornby (remember that "football" is soccer everywhere else but in the US)
Anecdote of the day: My 7 year old daughter, upon learning from her wonderful aunt what the definition of "flatulation" was, proudly stated "Conflatulations on your fart!"
Now, I must say that I was slightly surprised by the abilities of these two players. At first glance, they weren't the type of people I was used to playing against. First of all, the woman is the goalie. Now, again trying not to sound too stereotypical, but I am used to keepers being crazy and quick to sacrifice their bodies to save a goal. I am not willing to do that, so my assumption is that not many other women would be willing to do that. This woman is more than willing, she LOVES playing keeper. I am not sure how many times my shots have found her face in the way of the goal. Her husband is a bit stockier, more like the shape of a linebacker, but man he is a freight train on the soccer field. I still have no idea how he can get to the ball so quickly. I quickly found out how fast he really was the first few games I played against this couple. After hitting his wife square on a few times, I quickly became his "personal project." If ever the ball came to me, so did he. I had to find a way around the freight train if ever I wanted the ball to get into the goal. It wouldn't be easy.
I noticed as I watched them play other teams that as soon as the other team started finding their way to the goal more often, Tom would immediately step in and be a wall in front of his wife. Now, I don't want you to think that Paulynn is some delicate little flower that needs protection, because she is not. This woman plays with the heart of a lion and the courage of a rhinoceros. All she knows is to do her job, and that's what she does. She relies on her team to do their job but they all know that she's got their back and will do her best to not let them down. So Tom and Paulynn are playing the game the exact same way. They have each other's back. What a fantastic way to be in a relationship. Trusting that the other person is going to have your back merely by doing what they always do--what they're good at. Tom steps up his play to protect his wife. Paulynn steps up her game to not let Tom down when the ball gets past him. Pure trust. Does the ball get by them? If I am lucky, quick and have my supporting teammates, yes. But not as often as it should.
The other thing I have noticed is they ask each other what they saw when they got scored on. They don't chastise each other about what the other person did or didn't do. Rather, they ask if there was anything else they could have done. I have also heard many times, "Yeah, that was my fault." I love playing with and against these kinds of players--both on the field and off. It reminds me that it is a game, a really fun game. Life is life, and it is a really fun life. And I get to do my part so others can do their parts. My husband and I have that kind of relationship, too. I hope it can get to the extent of Tom and Paulynn where I always have my husband's back by merely doing my best and I trust he's got mine.
Quote of the day: I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring. -- Nick Hornby (remember that "football" is soccer everywhere else but in the US)
Anecdote of the day: My 7 year old daughter, upon learning from her wonderful aunt what the definition of "flatulation" was, proudly stated "Conflatulations on your fart!"
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Where's the Foul?
Okay, so you know how your parents always said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" And you know how that went out the window whenever you were playing sports? Saying "not nice" things to the referees during a game seems to be part of the sport, right? Well, I was raised and coached with the aforementioned rule fully in place, even when playing soccer. I realized at a young age that my dad (who was also my soccer coach for the majority of my youth) was right when he imposed that don't open your mouth unless you are saying something nice to the ref. Yelling at the ref only gets more fouls called...on you. I would hate the games when refs took the game over and called every ticky tack foul there was and would complain that he or she just didn't let us play the game. And then on the games when the ref DID let us play, I, of course, complained that he or she should have called the fouls. The only time I was ever happy with the refs of the game was when we won and I didn't get hurt. Well, some things never change. I recently was playing in a recreational indoor soccer game where the ref was "letting us play" and it ended up that an elbow, wrist, ankle, knee, and head were injured during the game. Both teams decided to regulate the game on their own since the ref wasn't doing it for them. Never a good feeling.
I left that game stating I would never play against that team again because I appreciated the fact that with four children counting on me to be able to move and function on two legs was much more important than winning a soccer game. I was not the only one. Our team forfeited the next game against the aforementioned team. And I'm not going to lie, I hope they were mad that we didn't show up. Poor sportsmanship? Maybe. Smart on my part? Absolutely. I blamed the behavior of the players on the ref who wasn't really reffing the game. If only he had called a tight game in the beginning, the players on both teams would not have been so vengeful on the field when they felt they had been fouled. He could have loosened up during the game. But he chose to ref the game just the opposite way, loose in the beginning and then tried to clamp down as player by player went down with an injury. They say refs don't win or lose a game, and it's true. But they certainly can prevent injury.
I have been thinking a lot about refs lately. I have a son, a bright, intelligent, funny, clever, talented son. I have a bullied, hurt, questioning, small, unsure son. I have a son that has been beaten and bruised physically and emotionally by kids his age for years. Where's the foul? Where are the refs that are on the field when I can't be there to protect him? Are they just letting the kids play? Are they saying play on while my child is on the ground? Are they saying walk it off because what they saw wasn't big enough to call a foul? I see brilliance and hope in my son that he can't see or chooses not to see. He sees himself as a small, picked on kid that can't do anything right. And all I want to do is go and teach the other kids a lesson...while my child collects his proof and evidence that he can't fight back, that he's not as big as, not as good as everybody else. Where's the foul?
So, I have been in junior high. I have friends had whom I though were my best friends turn on me and say some not nice things about me and to me. But I had one thing going for me, I was okay in my own skin. Yes, it hurt, but it was never an injury that took me out of the game. This has been a hard thing to watch--my son is not okay in his own skin. The worst part isn't the disrespecting kids, who don't have good self esteem either, but the worst part is my son believes them instead of believing in himself. The ref doesn't win or lose games, but they can prevent injury. I am still on my journey of being at peace with some kind of solution to this scenario--the school has been contacted, my son has heard how awesome his parents think he is, he has been given a long list of amazing characteristics, gifts, and talents that he possesses...but that's it. First and foremost, my son gets to be okay in his own skin and that isn't something that I can give him. What I can give him is a safe place to discover that. My son deserves to feel okay and he deserves to let others know that they're okay, too. However, I will not have other kids learning their lessons at my son's expense. There will be retribution, just without injury.
For my son, the best advice a coach ever gave him was to not play like he was small, but play as if he were big. Instead of playing like how he thinks the world sees him, he needs to play as big as his gifts and talents are--and they are huge. This advice was reiterated to him last night. Stop playing small. Start playing to your potential. The only person that sees you as small is you. Stop looking in the mirror and start looking in your heart and see how big you really are.
As for me? I think it is time for me to let neighborhood parents and school officials know that it is ALL our jobs to create a safe environment for ALL children. So that the bully doesn't feel like he needs to beat up on someone to feel like he has worth. So that the lonely kid doesn't need to push a kid around just to have some kind of interaction. So that the picked on kid doesn't feel like he needs to yell at his sister to regain his power. So that the star football player doesn't think he needs to take something from a young woman to make him look like a man. So that the behavior of a person is not the fault of the ref, or the parent, or society. It's a cycle that can be changed. I'm in. Are you?
Anecdote of the day: "Mom, you are turning 39. That means you're still a decade away from 40." Man, I love little kid math :)
I left that game stating I would never play against that team again because I appreciated the fact that with four children counting on me to be able to move and function on two legs was much more important than winning a soccer game. I was not the only one. Our team forfeited the next game against the aforementioned team. And I'm not going to lie, I hope they were mad that we didn't show up. Poor sportsmanship? Maybe. Smart on my part? Absolutely. I blamed the behavior of the players on the ref who wasn't really reffing the game. If only he had called a tight game in the beginning, the players on both teams would not have been so vengeful on the field when they felt they had been fouled. He could have loosened up during the game. But he chose to ref the game just the opposite way, loose in the beginning and then tried to clamp down as player by player went down with an injury. They say refs don't win or lose a game, and it's true. But they certainly can prevent injury.
I have been thinking a lot about refs lately. I have a son, a bright, intelligent, funny, clever, talented son. I have a bullied, hurt, questioning, small, unsure son. I have a son that has been beaten and bruised physically and emotionally by kids his age for years. Where's the foul? Where are the refs that are on the field when I can't be there to protect him? Are they just letting the kids play? Are they saying play on while my child is on the ground? Are they saying walk it off because what they saw wasn't big enough to call a foul? I see brilliance and hope in my son that he can't see or chooses not to see. He sees himself as a small, picked on kid that can't do anything right. And all I want to do is go and teach the other kids a lesson...while my child collects his proof and evidence that he can't fight back, that he's not as big as, not as good as everybody else. Where's the foul?
So, I have been in junior high. I have friends had whom I though were my best friends turn on me and say some not nice things about me and to me. But I had one thing going for me, I was okay in my own skin. Yes, it hurt, but it was never an injury that took me out of the game. This has been a hard thing to watch--my son is not okay in his own skin. The worst part isn't the disrespecting kids, who don't have good self esteem either, but the worst part is my son believes them instead of believing in himself. The ref doesn't win or lose games, but they can prevent injury. I am still on my journey of being at peace with some kind of solution to this scenario--the school has been contacted, my son has heard how awesome his parents think he is, he has been given a long list of amazing characteristics, gifts, and talents that he possesses...but that's it. First and foremost, my son gets to be okay in his own skin and that isn't something that I can give him. What I can give him is a safe place to discover that. My son deserves to feel okay and he deserves to let others know that they're okay, too. However, I will not have other kids learning their lessons at my son's expense. There will be retribution, just without injury.
For my son, the best advice a coach ever gave him was to not play like he was small, but play as if he were big. Instead of playing like how he thinks the world sees him, he needs to play as big as his gifts and talents are--and they are huge. This advice was reiterated to him last night. Stop playing small. Start playing to your potential. The only person that sees you as small is you. Stop looking in the mirror and start looking in your heart and see how big you really are.
As for me? I think it is time for me to let neighborhood parents and school officials know that it is ALL our jobs to create a safe environment for ALL children. So that the bully doesn't feel like he needs to beat up on someone to feel like he has worth. So that the lonely kid doesn't need to push a kid around just to have some kind of interaction. So that the picked on kid doesn't feel like he needs to yell at his sister to regain his power. So that the star football player doesn't think he needs to take something from a young woman to make him look like a man. So that the behavior of a person is not the fault of the ref, or the parent, or society. It's a cycle that can be changed. I'm in. Are you?
Anecdote of the day: "Mom, you are turning 39. That means you're still a decade away from 40." Man, I love little kid math :)
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wonder Woman Shouldn't Play Soccer
Wonder Woman was the coolest. All she had to do was twirl around and she would appear with fabulous clothes, a golden lasso, shield bracelets and a boomerang headband. Wow. And was a giant. She could kick any man's trash. I'm not what you would consider tall and was nothing but knees and elbows until I got into high school. My first year trying out for a competition soccer team I was told I was too small to ever play competition ball. Luckily, the assistant coach could choose the last 5 players on the team (and he was my dad). So all I wanted to be was tall. I envied Amazons. That's probably why I loved Wonder Woman. She was the poster child for Amazons, literally. She was beautiful and when she visited her Amazon sisters on Paradise Island, I imagined being just like them--tall, strong, and didn't need a man, just wanted to toy with them a bit.
Funny thing is, I came to not like "Amazons" on the soccer field. **DISCLAIMER**I am sorry if I offend anyone that is taller than 5' 6'' and is more muscular than I. Characters in this blog do not represent any one specific female in any aspect of my life.** I changed my perception of what an Amazon was in soccer, she was taller and stronger than I was. And if I got to the ball first, all she had to do was bump me and I would fly. So because I hated what happened to me when I played against "Amazons", I directed my dislike towards the ladies playing the game, rather than my own small physique.
Seriously, picture Wonder Woman playing soccer. Now, we know she had incredible speed, too, so she could probably get to the ball quicker than anyone else. However, we also know that she would throw people through the air without a second thought if they were in her way. I would have hated playing against her. I still don't like playing against "Amazons" even now. But if a woman nails me to the wall, or elbows me in the face, I tend to get a little upset. And just like the little tattle-tale that I am, I immediately petition the refs for some help. They, of course, see the plays differently than I do. It must just be that I am too small, so instead of the elbow going into my side, it goes into my face; therefore, I am just too short so there is no foul. Or the fact that I may not have as much mass behind me, I go flying through the air when I am "lightly" bumped; therefore, it is my fault that I am too small and, thus, no foul. So then I choose to take it upon myself to "show" the ref how cheap these ladies are playing and start playing for fouls rather than playing soccer. I'll show them how Wonder Woman has no right to be playing soccer if she is going to be throwing me around, right?! Yep, those are the games that I hate. I am not playing soccer, I am just tyring to prove something. That is never fun. I match whatever perceived energy or attitude that is on the field rather than playing my game.
I so do that in life, too. You want war? I'm your huckleberry. You want to blame me for your situation? I rock at that game. You want to justify why you were right in what you did? Game on. There are times that instead of just playing my game, I play the player instead of the ball. I react to whomever is around me instead of being clear and choosing how I want to be or what I want to do. It is so easy to get hurt and then inflict pain right back. But I am never happy when I am playing that way. Tonight, I played soccer that way and hated every minute of it. Then went and relived every moment to see how the other player was wrong every time. I catch myself doing that with my husband, too. I feel like I have to match his intensity with my own, instead of taking information and using it to get what I want. I don't have to take someone else's energy as my own and throw it back. I can keep my own attitude. I am not a vengeful person, unless I lose my sense of who I am. I am actually a patient, funloving, and compassionate person. And a bit quirky (that's the fun part). If I just play my game and not worry about how the other people are playing, I will still love life and still have tons of opportunity to get what I want in every moment. Watch out Wonder Woman, I got game...
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY: My youngest daughter (who just turned six) went up to my mom and said, "Grammy, I used to not like you very much. But now I am used to you and I love you now. We're best pals." She just plays her game and doesn't worry about how the other person is playing.
SOCCER QUOTE OF THE DAY: "True champions aren't always the ones that win, they're the ones with the most guts." -- Mia Hamm
Funny thing is, I came to not like "Amazons" on the soccer field. **DISCLAIMER**I am sorry if I offend anyone that is taller than 5' 6'' and is more muscular than I. Characters in this blog do not represent any one specific female in any aspect of my life.** I changed my perception of what an Amazon was in soccer, she was taller and stronger than I was. And if I got to the ball first, all she had to do was bump me and I would fly. So because I hated what happened to me when I played against "Amazons", I directed my dislike towards the ladies playing the game, rather than my own small physique.
Seriously, picture Wonder Woman playing soccer. Now, we know she had incredible speed, too, so she could probably get to the ball quicker than anyone else. However, we also know that she would throw people through the air without a second thought if they were in her way. I would have hated playing against her. I still don't like playing against "Amazons" even now. But if a woman nails me to the wall, or elbows me in the face, I tend to get a little upset. And just like the little tattle-tale that I am, I immediately petition the refs for some help. They, of course, see the plays differently than I do. It must just be that I am too small, so instead of the elbow going into my side, it goes into my face; therefore, I am just too short so there is no foul. Or the fact that I may not have as much mass behind me, I go flying through the air when I am "lightly" bumped; therefore, it is my fault that I am too small and, thus, no foul. So then I choose to take it upon myself to "show" the ref how cheap these ladies are playing and start playing for fouls rather than playing soccer. I'll show them how Wonder Woman has no right to be playing soccer if she is going to be throwing me around, right?! Yep, those are the games that I hate. I am not playing soccer, I am just tyring to prove something. That is never fun. I match whatever perceived energy or attitude that is on the field rather than playing my game.
I so do that in life, too. You want war? I'm your huckleberry. You want to blame me for your situation? I rock at that game. You want to justify why you were right in what you did? Game on. There are times that instead of just playing my game, I play the player instead of the ball. I react to whomever is around me instead of being clear and choosing how I want to be or what I want to do. It is so easy to get hurt and then inflict pain right back. But I am never happy when I am playing that way. Tonight, I played soccer that way and hated every minute of it. Then went and relived every moment to see how the other player was wrong every time. I catch myself doing that with my husband, too. I feel like I have to match his intensity with my own, instead of taking information and using it to get what I want. I don't have to take someone else's energy as my own and throw it back. I can keep my own attitude. I am not a vengeful person, unless I lose my sense of who I am. I am actually a patient, funloving, and compassionate person. And a bit quirky (that's the fun part). If I just play my game and not worry about how the other people are playing, I will still love life and still have tons of opportunity to get what I want in every moment. Watch out Wonder Woman, I got game...
ANECDOTE OF THE DAY: My youngest daughter (who just turned six) went up to my mom and said, "Grammy, I used to not like you very much. But now I am used to you and I love you now. We're best pals." She just plays her game and doesn't worry about how the other person is playing.
SOCCER QUOTE OF THE DAY: "True champions aren't always the ones that win, they're the ones with the most guts." -- Mia Hamm
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Perspective Changes in Soccer
Bunch ball...love to watch it...one clump of little bodies chasing a black and white ball. If you are watching girls, it's more prancing than running and a lot of smiling. If you are watching boys, more arms pushing other boys out of the way so they can get at that moving black and white object, not too many smiles. Then as you pan around the field, wait, why isn't that girl playing? Why is she smiling and waving to her mom? Doesn't she know that the ball is 10 yards away with the cluster of girls with pig tails and bows? Doesn't she want to be the one who kicks the ball? Ooh, what is that she just picked up off of the grass? Oh, thought it was a four leaf clover. Maybe she can find one. Yep, she is going to try.
I have watched "bunch ball" through lots of different eyes. Through my eyes as a player when I was young. I never saw a cluster of bodies. All I saw was that black and white ball and I had to catch up to it so I could kick it and make my parents cheer. There were no other bodies. I am not even sure that I did or didn't push anyone out of my way because I saw noone but that little ball that was moving faster than I was.
I watched it as a referree as I earned money when I was young. All I was told was to watch and make sure that they didn't pick it up (which, of course happened often during the game), and that they didn't push people on purpose (how do you tell a smiling pig tail bow-clad girl not to intentionally shove someone when she was just trying to get to the ball), and to blow my whistle when the ball went out of bounds.
As a parent. "Get in there and kick that ball!" "Pay attention to the game, not the pretty yellow flowers." "No, kick it the other way!" "Stop, it's out of bounds! You are way out of bounds! Stop running--the field is the other way!!!" And I am so not exaggerating on the last one. One of my girls just dribbled the ball whatever way she was pointed and would run into the sunset until I carried her back. It was funny after I got her back on the right field.
As a patient, fun loving coach with no expectations. Trying to remember to tell every girl or boy "good job" when they touched the ball or even got near it. Laughing at the other parents telling their kids to stop trying to catch the butterflies, or stop playing tag, or to start playing soccer or they were going home.
With each perspective, the game was different. At first, it was just to kick the ball so I would feel like a hero. Or to make sure that everyone was having fun at the same time learning to play a great sport. Or trying to not be the parent of the child who was producing the least amount of success. Hmmmm...still fitting into all of the roles. There are times that I am still just kicking the ball to get a good reaction. I am still trying to teach my children to have fun and enjoy life while learning the ins and outs of my rules and everyone else's rules. Still trying not to be the parent of the child producing the least amount of success.
I laugh at myself a lot...especially as I coach my kids' soccer teams. My first experience as a coach was with my oldest son's team when he was four. He and three of his friends were on the team. The first thing I said to them was that "soccer is fun." That was and still is my primary objective to teach kids, is to enjoy playing. Well, the whistle blew, the other team kicked it and the ball went into our defensive net. Two of the boys started crying and the other two were on the verge. There is no crying in soccer!!!! I turned to their dads (who had played soccer and were 100% men) and looked for help and guidance. One dad picked up his son and said he was to stay in the car until he stopped crying. I quickly grabbed the rest of the boys and explained that everyone wants to score a goal, even the other team and that it was OK that the other team scored. "Let's do the same thing." There were no more tears, but no more smiles either. What happened to having fun? Right...it's only fun if you win.
Wrong...I don't need to win to have fun. The first tip I tell all of the kids I coach now is to look up and look around you. You'll see the other team, you'll see your own teammates and then you'll know what to do with the ball. That's how I live my life. I no longer live in my own world where it is just me and a ball. I look up, figure out what it is I even want out of the moment--to score, to pass, to have fun--then I look around and see who is there to support me or what might get in my way and then I make a move. Winning goes as quick as it comes, but the lessons and relations stay forever. Life is a gift, it's a blast, too. Look up and look around. I still love watching my girls chase butterflies. I love laying on the grass looking at the shapes of the clouds. I even caught myself trying to find four leaf clovers at my son's football practice (didn't find one but there is always next season). I have this moment and I sure do have fun.
I have watched "bunch ball" through lots of different eyes. Through my eyes as a player when I was young. I never saw a cluster of bodies. All I saw was that black and white ball and I had to catch up to it so I could kick it and make my parents cheer. There were no other bodies. I am not even sure that I did or didn't push anyone out of my way because I saw noone but that little ball that was moving faster than I was.
I watched it as a referree as I earned money when I was young. All I was told was to watch and make sure that they didn't pick it up (which, of course happened often during the game), and that they didn't push people on purpose (how do you tell a smiling pig tail bow-clad girl not to intentionally shove someone when she was just trying to get to the ball), and to blow my whistle when the ball went out of bounds.
As a parent. "Get in there and kick that ball!" "Pay attention to the game, not the pretty yellow flowers." "No, kick it the other way!" "Stop, it's out of bounds! You are way out of bounds! Stop running--the field is the other way!!!" And I am so not exaggerating on the last one. One of my girls just dribbled the ball whatever way she was pointed and would run into the sunset until I carried her back. It was funny after I got her back on the right field.
As a patient, fun loving coach with no expectations. Trying to remember to tell every girl or boy "good job" when they touched the ball or even got near it. Laughing at the other parents telling their kids to stop trying to catch the butterflies, or stop playing tag, or to start playing soccer or they were going home.
With each perspective, the game was different. At first, it was just to kick the ball so I would feel like a hero. Or to make sure that everyone was having fun at the same time learning to play a great sport. Or trying to not be the parent of the child who was producing the least amount of success. Hmmmm...still fitting into all of the roles. There are times that I am still just kicking the ball to get a good reaction. I am still trying to teach my children to have fun and enjoy life while learning the ins and outs of my rules and everyone else's rules. Still trying not to be the parent of the child producing the least amount of success.
I laugh at myself a lot...especially as I coach my kids' soccer teams. My first experience as a coach was with my oldest son's team when he was four. He and three of his friends were on the team. The first thing I said to them was that "soccer is fun." That was and still is my primary objective to teach kids, is to enjoy playing. Well, the whistle blew, the other team kicked it and the ball went into our defensive net. Two of the boys started crying and the other two were on the verge. There is no crying in soccer!!!! I turned to their dads (who had played soccer and were 100% men) and looked for help and guidance. One dad picked up his son and said he was to stay in the car until he stopped crying. I quickly grabbed the rest of the boys and explained that everyone wants to score a goal, even the other team and that it was OK that the other team scored. "Let's do the same thing." There were no more tears, but no more smiles either. What happened to having fun? Right...it's only fun if you win.
Wrong...I don't need to win to have fun. The first tip I tell all of the kids I coach now is to look up and look around you. You'll see the other team, you'll see your own teammates and then you'll know what to do with the ball. That's how I live my life. I no longer live in my own world where it is just me and a ball. I look up, figure out what it is I even want out of the moment--to score, to pass, to have fun--then I look around and see who is there to support me or what might get in my way and then I make a move. Winning goes as quick as it comes, but the lessons and relations stay forever. Life is a gift, it's a blast, too. Look up and look around. I still love watching my girls chase butterflies. I love laying on the grass looking at the shapes of the clouds. I even caught myself trying to find four leaf clovers at my son's football practice (didn't find one but there is always next season). I have this moment and I sure do have fun.
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