Bunch ball...love to watch it...one clump of little bodies chasing a black and white ball. If you are watching girls, it's more prancing than running and a lot of smiling. If you are watching boys, more arms pushing other boys out of the way so they can get at that moving black and white object, not too many smiles. Then as you pan around the field, wait, why isn't that girl playing? Why is she smiling and waving to her mom? Doesn't she know that the ball is 10 yards away with the cluster of girls with pig tails and bows? Doesn't she want to be the one who kicks the ball? Ooh, what is that she just picked up off of the grass? Oh, thought it was a four leaf clover. Maybe she can find one. Yep, she is going to try.
I have watched "bunch ball" through lots of different eyes. Through my eyes as a player when I was young. I never saw a cluster of bodies. All I saw was that black and white ball and I had to catch up to it so I could kick it and make my parents cheer. There were no other bodies. I am not even sure that I did or didn't push anyone out of my way because I saw noone but that little ball that was moving faster than I was.
I watched it as a referree as I earned money when I was young. All I was told was to watch and make sure that they didn't pick it up (which, of course happened often during the game), and that they didn't push people on purpose (how do you tell a smiling pig tail bow-clad girl not to intentionally shove someone when she was just trying to get to the ball), and to blow my whistle when the ball went out of bounds.
As a parent. "Get in there and kick that ball!" "Pay attention to the game, not the pretty yellow flowers." "No, kick it the other way!" "Stop, it's out of bounds! You are way out of bounds! Stop running--the field is the other way!!!" And I am so not exaggerating on the last one. One of my girls just dribbled the ball whatever way she was pointed and would run into the sunset until I carried her back. It was funny after I got her back on the right field.
As a patient, fun loving coach with no expectations. Trying to remember to tell every girl or boy "good job" when they touched the ball or even got near it. Laughing at the other parents telling their kids to stop trying to catch the butterflies, or stop playing tag, or to start playing soccer or they were going home.
With each perspective, the game was different. At first, it was just to kick the ball so I would feel like a hero. Or to make sure that everyone was having fun at the same time learning to play a great sport. Or trying to not be the parent of the child who was producing the least amount of success. Hmmmm...still fitting into all of the roles. There are times that I am still just kicking the ball to get a good reaction. I am still trying to teach my children to have fun and enjoy life while learning the ins and outs of my rules and everyone else's rules. Still trying not to be the parent of the child producing the least amount of success.
I laugh at myself a lot...especially as I coach my kids' soccer teams. My first experience as a coach was with my oldest son's team when he was four. He and three of his friends were on the team. The first thing I said to them was that "soccer is fun." That was and still is my primary objective to teach kids, is to enjoy playing. Well, the whistle blew, the other team kicked it and the ball went into our defensive net. Two of the boys started crying and the other two were on the verge. There is no crying in soccer!!!! I turned to their dads (who had played soccer and were 100% men) and looked for help and guidance. One dad picked up his son and said he was to stay in the car until he stopped crying. I quickly grabbed the rest of the boys and explained that everyone wants to score a goal, even the other team and that it was OK that the other team scored. "Let's do the same thing." There were no more tears, but no more smiles either. What happened to having fun? Right...it's only fun if you win.
Wrong...I don't need to win to have fun. The first tip I tell all of the kids I coach now is to look up and look around you. You'll see the other team, you'll see your own teammates and then you'll know what to do with the ball. That's how I live my life. I no longer live in my own world where it is just me and a ball. I look up, figure out what it is I even want out of the moment--to score, to pass, to have fun--then I look around and see who is there to support me or what might get in my way and then I make a move. Winning goes as quick as it comes, but the lessons and relations stay forever. Life is a gift, it's a blast, too. Look up and look around. I still love watching my girls chase butterflies. I love laying on the grass looking at the shapes of the clouds. I even caught myself trying to find four leaf clovers at my son's football practice (didn't find one but there is always next season). I have this moment and I sure do have fun.
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