When Did the Game Change?

So when I was little, as a "fullback" I was told to "clear the ball." So all I had to do to get cheers from the crowd and accolades from my coach was to kick the ball away from opposing players, and kick it really hard. And every team played with a keeper, 4 fullbacks (which included a stopper and a sweeper), 3 halfbacks and 3 forwards. Soccer was simple, especially for fullbacks. Many a time I was told not to play with the ball, just kick it...As I was watching the FIFA Womens World Cup, I watched the defensive backs not clearing the ball, but stepping into the ball and maneuvering around offensive players and making close passes. Wow, have times changed.

Wow, lots have things have changed with time. The other day, my 11 year old daughter asked if she could go less than a mile away to a clothing store with 3 other teenage friends. My initial reaction was "No and again, NO!" but then I thought about when I was 11. I went to the movies with friends all the time. Down to 7-11 for slushees all the time. Went for long walks and bike rides. I went EVERYWHERE without an adult, and NO CELL PHONE. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, it's that I didn't trust everyone else. But, I breathed, and found myself saying, "Yes. BUT...." and the list of rules started. What is it that has changed?

The game of soccer hasn't changed, but the players have. Marta, a striker for Brazil's women's team, is one player that can dribble and outrun five players, fake the keeper out, and score. Midfielders now are specialized as either defensive or offensive. Backs now don't just clear the ball, they start the play with organized passing. The objective is to win the game. That hasn't changed. Life hasn't changed, but the players have.

One person can take out 80 teenagers learning about global politics. Politicians are governed by keeping their seat, rather than doing the best for ALL of their fellow citizens. Respect for life and others has greatly diminished. My daughter is very responsible, always checks in when not at home, follows the rules when NOT at home (not necessarily when she IS home). I didn't have a problem trusting my daughter to make good choices. I had a problem trusting the dozens of people she would encounter along the way. The drivers talking on their cell phones not paying attention to girls crossing the street, boys that have been taught that it's okay to make comments to young girls without respect, people who have no respect for life at all. My objective in life is the same...live life as the gift it is and live it with passion, peace, and joy.

Do I restrict my children's freedom due to the stupid decisions of others? Is there a line I am not willing to cross? I would never give up my child to someone that I know will harm her. But how do I know who that "someone" is? I want to teach my children to take care of themselves because you never know what skills or tactics the opposing players use. All I can do is prepare them. So...yes, my daughter went. And then 3 hours later after being unable to contact her and without her checking in, my husband went and picked her up at the store and was grounded from friends for the rest of the day.  Funny how she was safe from others, just not from herself that day :)

ANECDOTE OF THE DAY: Upon seeing a cashier at a store with pink hair, my daughter asked me why her hair was pink. I responded, "I'm not sure, but I'm sure she'll let you know if you ask her." So she did. And the young woman responded, "Because pink is my favorite color." After which, my daughter quickly let her know it looked fantastic. That was it, no judgment, no right or wrong. A girl's hair was pink because it was her favorite color. I loved that experience.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:  "The beauty of Cup football is that Jack always has a chance of beating Goliath." -- Terry Butcher

MOVE!!

So not everyone is a fan of soccer. Crazy, I know. But I can pretend that I understand where they are coming from. There is only 1 ball on a huge field and the players are spread out over the length of the field. The poor goalies are all alone and maybe get 20 touches on the ball if they're unlucky. To people who are used to watching 10 players constantly running up and down a basketball court, constantly shoving and jockeying for position, MAYBE soccer MIGHT be considered SOMEWHAT boring. But don't you dare say that baseball or golf or even curling is more exciting than soccer.

The thing about soccer is that the game can change in a matter of seconds. It doesn't take that long to score. But when the games lasts 90 minutes, players get fatigued, defense gets smarter, fingernail biting increases. As a player, I notice that as the game goes on I seem to get tired a lot quicker after a run of the field. I notice that other players are not running as much either. The worse thing to here towards the end of the game is someone yelling at you to "MOVE!" But move, you must, IF you want to win. A stagnant player does no good on the soccer field. As a coach, I would always say "There is no walking in soccer." If the ball is near you, you are completely engaged in the play. Even if the ball is not near you, you are completely engaged in the play. The only way to shake a defender is to move to an open space. Completely be aware of the ball, the players, and where you are on the field.

And so is life. No matter if something big is happening, but it isn't around you, you have to move. Stay engaged, know where you are and where your teammates are. And then be a player ready to receive the ball at any time. Standing around and waiting doesn't get you the win. Always be looking, be moving, be conscious of what is going on around you. Life is only boring if you aren't moving.

As a mom of four kids, I stayed at home, cooking, cleaning, waiting...my husband was doing the important things, I got my kids ready for their important events. . Nothing "important" ever happened to me. Or so I thought. I was missing the ball every day because I wasn't ready. I wasn't looking. And I certainly wasn't moving. As soon as I put myself in play, even though I was at home, I became important. And important events happened everyday and I was part of them. I know the law of attraction. And I know the game that people play when "using" the law of attraction in their lives. They wait. Instead of being the person who is ready, looking, and conscious of where they are. The law of attraction is being that person who attracts what they want. Not the person who just waits for it to happen to them.

ANECDOTE OF THE DAY : My daughter was selling popsicles outside and was so mad that noone had come that she came inside to complain to me how she can't sell popsicles without people. Two of my other daughters heard her complaining, asked if she was going to sell anymore, and then quickly ran outside when she told them, "no, so you can go sell for all I care." So they did, and within 15 minutes had sold 6 popsicles. They didn't wait, they yelled at everyone they saw outside to come and buy a popsicle. Fueled my oldest daughter's fire even more.


QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If you can't outplay the opposition, you must outnumber them." -- Terry Venables

My Bad

"My bad." Easy to say on the soccer field, because at times it can be very apparent when you screw up. My heart broke as I watched the US Women's Soccer Team concede a goal because two people thought they were doing the right thing which turned out to be an unfortunate thing which turned out to be a goal for the wrong team...yep, heartbroken. Japan didn't really score on poor Hope Solo, her own team did. But whose bad was it? Was it the fault of the first girl or tried to clear the ball across the goal, or the second girl who stopped it and tried to clear it out the other way, or was it the keeper who should have yelled them off the ball because she could have grabbed it???? Ugh, painful to relive that moment. Now, you would think that we lost the game by one goal--that goal. No, oh no. We had plenty of chances to score. So, wait. Was it Abby Wambach's fault because her golden head missed by a few inches? Or Lauren Cheney's fault because she hit the cross bar, missing the goal by a couple of inches? Or should we list the names of the three women who didn't hit their penalty kicks in the shoot out? Wait, or was it the goal kick that should have been called a corner...ugh...still painful.

Truth is, we lost. We didn't win. That's it. Definitely some things we can learn from that game...don't panic might be one. The other big thing? Don't look at any one moment as the cause of the loss. Don't look at any one player as the scapegoat. It's over. It's done. Game on in another four years. But how many times do we relive each moment of some "bad" situation and try to find someone or something to blame? Does this ever change the outcome of the event? No! It's in the past. What will serve is finding out how I responded during the whole play. Did I do my job? How am I going to change my next reaction in that scenario? What was the benefit that I gained from even having that experience? Yes, losing is losing. And if you didn't when, you lost. I know, that is pretty profound. It isn't the goal to lose. But you better be clear on what you want to get out of it before you even start playing. And then be clear that each moment is going to get you to that result. Even if it is when you lose the battle, but make sure you don't lose the fight.

Now, on the other side of the ball, Japan did just that. They didn't have a brilliant game. They made sure they finished the game. They didn't panic, they just kept playing. They had some lapses in defense in the first half, not in the second. They knew the team they were playing. They knew the keeper that stood in their way. I'm sure they studied her and her tendencies in shoot outs. They kept playing, in spite of being the under dogs and the team that wasn't supposed to be there. And all of this in a year that Japan itself had seen heartache, disaster, confusion, but the people didn't stop. They continue to finish the game. Not blaming, just learning.

It's easy to say "My bad" on the soccer field. Not so easy in relationships, even harder at your job, worse when you made a mistake in front of your kids. But man, saying those words can open the door to creating a win from a loss. Learning to not make that move again the next time.

Quote of the day: "Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it." -- Mia Hamm


Anecdote of the day: My fiesty and impatient daughter once said during half time upon playing the first game of the season, "It's so boring...everyone just stands in a circle kicking the ball and I have to wait for it to come out." When I asked why she was waiting for it, why not just run into the circle and kick it out and go score, she replied, "OK." Within two minutes of getting back into the game, the bunch ball started and instead of waiting, she ran in, kicked the ball out and dribbled it and scored. Quick learner.

I Got Your Back

Over the last few years, I have been on an adult coed indoor soccer team. I have been playing with and against pretty much the same people for the last 5 years. I have become friends with quite a few of the players I play against. Not knowing their backgrounds, maybe having played against some from my childhood, knowing that they are over 25, but not knowing much else. That's the beauty of being in ANY kind of community, you share some kind of foundation and you can enjoy the quick friendships to be found in your community without judgment or expectation. I have been watching two players in particular over the last few years. They are husband and wife, Tom and Paulynn. I am amazed at how much I learned about their relationship by merely watching how they play the game of soccer.

Now, I must say that I was slightly surprised by the abilities of these two players. At first glance, they weren't the type of people I was used to playing against. First of all, the woman is the goalie. Now, again trying not to sound too stereotypical, but I am used to keepers being crazy and quick to sacrifice their bodies to save a goal. I am not willing to do that, so my assumption is that not many other women would be willing to do that. This woman is more than willing, she LOVES playing keeper. I am not sure how many times my shots have found her face in the way of the goal. Her husband is a bit stockier, more like the shape of a linebacker, but man he is a freight train on the soccer field. I still have no idea how he can get to the ball so quickly. I quickly found out how fast he really was the first few games I played against this couple.  After hitting his wife square on a few times, I quickly became his "personal project." If ever the ball came to me, so did he. I had to find a way around the freight train if ever I wanted the ball to get into the goal. It wouldn't be easy.

I noticed as I watched them play other teams that as soon as the other team started finding their way to the goal more often, Tom would immediately step in and be a wall in front of his wife. Now, I don't want you to think that Paulynn is some delicate little flower that needs protection, because she is not. This woman plays with the heart of a lion and the courage of a rhinoceros. All she knows is to do her job, and that's what she does. She relies on her team to do their job but they all know that she's got their back and will do her best to not let them down. So Tom and Paulynn are playing the game the exact same way. They have each other's back. What a fantastic way to be in a relationship. Trusting that the other person is going to have your back merely by doing what they always do--what they're good at. Tom steps up his play to protect his wife. Paulynn steps up her game to not let Tom down when the ball gets past him. Pure trust. Does the ball get by them? If I am lucky, quick and have my supporting teammates, yes. But not as often as it should.

The other thing I have noticed is they ask each other what they saw when they got scored on. They don't chastise each other about what the other person did or didn't do. Rather, they ask if there was anything else they could have done. I have also heard many times, "Yeah, that was my fault." I love playing with and against these kinds of players--both on the field and off. It reminds me that it is a game, a really fun game. Life is life, and it is a really fun life. And I get to do my part so others can do their parts. My husband and I have that kind of relationship, too. I hope it can get to the extent of Tom and Paulynn where I always have my husband's back by merely doing my best and I trust he's got mine.

Quote of the day: I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring. -- Nick Hornby (remember that "football" is soccer everywhere else but in the US)

Anecdote of the day: My 7 year old daughter, upon learning from her wonderful aunt what the definition of "flatulation" was, proudly stated "Conflatulations on your fart!"

Where's the Foul?

Okay, so you know how your parents always said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?" And you know how that went out the window whenever you were playing sports? Saying "not nice" things to the referees during a game seems to be part of the sport, right? Well, I was raised and coached with the aforementioned rule fully in place, even when playing soccer. I realized at a young age that my dad (who was also my soccer coach for the majority of my youth) was right when he imposed that don't open your mouth unless you are saying something nice to the ref. Yelling at the ref only gets more fouls called...on you. I would hate the games when refs took the game over and called every ticky tack foul there was and would complain that he or she just didn't let us play the game. And then on the games when the ref DID let us play, I, of course, complained that he or she should have called the fouls. The only time I was ever happy with the refs of the game was when we won and I didn't get hurt. Well, some things never change. I recently was playing in a recreational indoor soccer game where the ref was "letting us play" and it ended up that an elbow, wrist, ankle, knee, and head were injured during the game. Both teams decided to regulate the game on their own since the ref wasn't doing it for them. Never a good feeling.

I left that game stating I would never play against that team again because I appreciated the fact that with four children counting on me to be able to move and function on two legs was much more important than winning a soccer game. I was not the only one. Our team forfeited the next game against the aforementioned team. And I'm not going to lie, I hope they were mad that we didn't show up. Poor sportsmanship? Maybe. Smart on my part? Absolutely. I blamed the behavior of the players on the ref who wasn't really reffing the game. If only he had called a tight game in the beginning, the players on both teams would not have been so vengeful on the field when they felt they had been fouled. He could have loosened up during the game. But he chose to ref the game just the opposite way, loose in the beginning and then tried to clamp down as player by player went down with an injury. They say refs don't win or lose a game, and it's true. But they certainly can prevent injury.

I have been thinking a lot about refs lately. I have a son, a bright, intelligent, funny, clever, talented son. I have a bullied, hurt, questioning, small, unsure son. I have a son that has been beaten and bruised physically and emotionally by kids his age for years. Where's the foul? Where are the refs that are on the field when I can't be there to protect him? Are they just letting the kids play? Are they saying play on while my child is on the ground? Are they saying walk it off because what they saw wasn't big enough to call a foul? I see brilliance and hope in my son that he can't see or chooses not to see. He sees himself as a small, picked on kid that can't do anything right. And all I want to do is go and teach the other kids a lesson...while my child collects his proof and evidence that he can't fight back, that he's not as big as, not as good as everybody else. Where's the foul?

So, I have been in junior high. I have friends had whom I though were my best friends turn on me and say some not nice things about me and to me. But I had one thing going for me, I was okay in my own skin. Yes, it hurt, but it was never an injury that took me out of the game. This has been a hard thing to watch--my son is not okay in his own skin. The worst part isn't the disrespecting kids, who don't have good self esteem either, but the worst part is my son believes them instead of believing in himself. The ref doesn't win or lose games, but they can prevent injury. I am still on my journey of being at peace with some kind of solution to this scenario--the school has been contacted, my son has heard how awesome his parents think he is, he has been given a long list of amazing characteristics, gifts, and talents that he possesses...but that's it. First and foremost, my son gets to be okay in his own skin and that isn't something that I can give him. What I can give him is a safe place to discover that. My son deserves to feel okay and he deserves to let others know that they're okay, too. However, I will not have other kids learning their lessons at my son's expense. There will be retribution, just without injury.

For my son, the best advice a coach ever gave him was to not play like he was small, but play as if he were big. Instead of playing like how he thinks the world sees him, he needs to play as big as his gifts and talents are--and they are huge. This advice was reiterated to him last night. Stop playing small. Start playing to your potential. The only person that sees you as small is you. Stop looking in the mirror and start looking in your heart and see how big you really are.

As for me? I think it is time for me to let neighborhood parents and school officials know that it is ALL our jobs to create a safe environment for ALL children. So that the bully doesn't feel like he needs to beat up on someone to feel like he has worth. So that the lonely kid doesn't need to push a kid around just to have some kind of interaction. So that the picked on kid doesn't feel like he needs to yell at his sister to regain his power. So that the star football player doesn't think he needs to take something from a young woman to make him look like a man. So that the behavior of a person is not the fault of the ref, or the parent, or society. It's a cycle that can be changed. I'm in. Are you?

Anecdote of the day: "Mom, you are turning 39. That means you're still a decade away from 40." Man, I love little kid math :)